(Of course, the title is hyperbole and attention-seeking. Now that you are here, I hope you'll keep reading.)
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I don't mean that cyber insurance has no value or that it is a charade.
My main point: cyber insurance has the wrong clothes for the purposes and social value to which it aspires.
This blog post sketches the argument and evidence. I will be following up separately with more detailed and rigorous analysis (via computational modeling) that, I hope, will be publishable.
tl;dr: (switching metaphors)
As a driving force for better cyber risk management, today's cyber insurance is about as effective as eating soup with a fork.(This is a long post. For readers who want to "cut to the chase", you can skip to the "Cyber Insurance is a Functional Misfit" section.)